I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
