Can Purell be used as lube?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
