I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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