I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
