Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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