I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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