I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize