I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
His nipple licking is glorious
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