The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
