you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
