Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
