ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
