I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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