There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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