I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
