we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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