a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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