He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Drake has all the answers
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
