K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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