I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
