Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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