It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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