I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
