so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
