i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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