Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize