I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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