my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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