No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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