dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
