I don't think brook has ever known best
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
