i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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