I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
