The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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