I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
