We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
