I just pynch a tree in the face
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
