Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
nutella sex= disaster
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
