I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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