Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
