he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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