In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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