I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
