I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
