I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
