Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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