i permit you to call me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
