i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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