You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
