I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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