If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
