xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
