wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
