Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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