once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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