i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
