He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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