He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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