my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Of course I have a pirate flag
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
