Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
