What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
