When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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