She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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