Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
