Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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