so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
