One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
