so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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