i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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