i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
