i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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