So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize