I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
two words...techno handjob
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize