i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
