I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well I just put wine in my tea
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
