What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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