weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
