I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
