is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
