Pants 0. Shit 1.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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