Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
