Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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