just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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