okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
