Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
