The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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