Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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