I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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