Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
