he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
