They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
send nudes
from the living room?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
