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• (916): View more from California

  How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox

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• (936): View more from Texas

  You can't call dibs 8 years later.

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• (769): View more from Mississippi

  He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.

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• (880): View more from

  And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?

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• (516): View more from New York

  My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.

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