Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
bring money and cleavage
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
