Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
