Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
