Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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