I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
