He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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