How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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