i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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