If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
