Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
