I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
