I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
