Non-Jews are for practice
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
