do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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