Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
