So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
