you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Blow job season was short but glorious.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
