I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
