her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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