i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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