note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
