today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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