moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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