Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
