Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
