I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
