You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my being single is dangerous.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize