Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
