oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
4 words: hood of his car
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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