Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
