They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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