I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
