i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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