just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
