Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
